Let it Go

Last night I briefly watched a show on TLC about people who are hoarders. Believe it or not, a large aspect of hoarding is psychological. Many times hoarders substitute their emotional pain with objects. After a while their home is filled with more and more junk. For those who are not hoarders, we assume it should be easy to just throw the unnecessary stuff away. Well, for hoarders its not that simple.

For a brief moment I started to wonder about what I was hoarding. Not physically but mentally and emotionally. Once I realized what I have been negatively holding on to I started to brainstorm about how to let it go. This thing had stifled me in a manner where I could not grow completely. I felt like a beautiful flower that was only getting part of the sunlight but not all of it. The difficult part for me was wondering what people would say about me. I tend to take care of others before nurturing myself. Immediately I knew that had to stop. I cannot be a gift to someone if I do not take the time to carefully wrap myself. Today I'm letting go of needing my mother's support and approval. I'm letting go of waiting for her to say, "I'm proud of you." I am letting go of wanting to place my head in her lap and just cry if I want to. I am letting go of needing to be strong because that is what others expect of me. I'm letting go of the "what if" and focusing on "what I can."