You Need a Strong Foundation

…he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. Luke 6:47-49 (NASB)

In March I sent a text message to an associate that I had not spoken to in months. Little did I know this person’s phone number changed. I did not know this until my phone rang and the lady on the other end angrily asked, “Who is this? Who is this and why the hell are you texting my man?” I knew where this was going and I did not want to be a part of her road to insanity. I chuckled inside and politely told her, “My name is Shaneka. Ma’am I am sorry but I did not text your husband.” She immediately hung up the phone. Minutes after her call, she texted me saying, “Why did you text my husband? Do you know him?” I paused for a second and decided to call her to let her know that I did send a text message but it was not for her husband and apparently my person’s number had changed. I told her I was married and offered a little advice- “Stop snooping in your husband’s phone.” I told her to be still and connect with her intuition. “What is your spirit saying to you? Notice how it feels in your body when I say to be still and listen,” I said. She paused in silence for ten seconds and tearfully said, “Yea, you’re right…this has happened before…he’s cheated before. I’m so tired; I’m just sick and tired.” I told her I was a Therapist and we talked for a while. She needed someone to listen to her without giving her “girlfriend” advice. She needed her feelings to be validated and she needed to feel like she mattered.

The bottom line is all relationships must have a solid foundation. I have four principles for a healthy relationship: trust, respect, support, and patience. You cannot have one or two; you must have all four. What is missing in your relationship? What do you need to do to establish these principles? To whom much is given, much is required. You have to focus on your actions and allow your partner to focus on theirs. Do you trust your partner? Do you respect your partner? Do you support your partner one hundred percent? Are you patient with your partner? Did your relationship begin with a solid foundation or did you have a rough start? The partner who has been cheated on will be hurt badly; the partner who has cheated will more than likely feel guilty and ashamed. Relationships with infidelity can be saved if both partners are willing to work together, be open and honest, and commit to love each other again. The demolition has been done. You have to decide to do the reconstruction on your foundation and rebuild your relationship stronger, solid.

Wow, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to change the direction of your journey! Allow me to walk with you, let’s get started. Click here to schedule an appointment.

Have a sweet day,

Shaneka

What are you angry about?

The Lord said, “Do you have a good reason to be angry?” Jonah 4:4 (NASV)

I am not a Reality Show fan. However a few months ago I mistakenly tuned in to watch Basketball Wives. The first thought I had was, “Oh Lord, here’s another show with some sistas acting like they don’t have no sense.” I was partly right; there was some serious childish drama and there were moments of genuineness and maturity.

Each week I would turn the television off angrily proclaiming, “I ain’t never watching this show again!” The joke was on me because I would tune in the next week saying, “Lord why did you allow this drama to be on TV?” What really sent my anger over the top was seeing Royce (the ex-NBA dancer) backing her ‘thang’ up, dropping it like it was too hot, and getting down low to the floor. “Once again Lord, you gave them a TV show to do this. For what?” The sad part was Royce thought there was nothing wrong with dancing the way she does.

Then God convicted me. He reminded me that I used to be a Royce, Jennifer, and Evelyn. Back in the day, I had some serious dance moves, would cut another person with my words in a hot second, and was torn between leaving a broken relationship or stay. God allowed me the opportunity to change and grow (and I’m still growing). He didn’t severely punish me for being the person I was over ten years ago. Nevertheless, by the time the season finale aired, I had compassion for the women on Basketball Wives, especially Royce. I was able to use my therapeutic eyes and see past the drama, gossip, drinking, and dirty dancing. I saw friendship, pain, a yearning to be loved and accepted, insecurities, vulnerability, confusion, happiness, creativity, and resiliency. The same characteristics I saw in them, I have seen in myself. So what are you angry about and do you have a good reason? Try taking a step back and do a self-assessment.

Wow, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to change the direction of your journey! Allow me to walk with you, let’s get started. Click here to schedule an appointment.

Have a sweet day,

Shaneka

Red Slippers Blessing

Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find it, knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Matthew 7:8 (NASV)

Remember the movie The Wizard of Oz? Dorothy traveled to the Emerald City wearing glittery red slippers with a scary cat Lion, a dingy Scarecrow, and an empty, heartless Tin Man. They each wanted something desperately, but Dorothy wanted to go home. Once she arrived to the Emerald City, Dorothy learned that all she had to do was open her mouth and ASK for what she wanted, BELIEVE that she would receive it, and click her red slippers. Amazing! Dorothy was wearing her blessing during the entire journey and did not realize it.

What blessing have you been given that you are not using? Well, it is useless if you do not know what it is or you do not know what to do with it. First, ask for what you want; just open your mouth and ask for it. Second, believe that you will receive what you ask for. Lastly, it requires you to do something. It may be doing some research to start your own business, budgeting your checkbook instead of avoiding your bank account, or maybe going back to school. This is your opportunity; so what are you waiting for?

Wow, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to change the direction of your journey! Allow me to walk with you, let’s get started. Click here to schedule an appointment.

Have a sweet day,

Shaneka

Scary Cat

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. Isaiah 41:10 (NASV)

My 2 ½ year old daughter is a scary cat. She is afraid of the dark, her shadow, and the DVD light on her television (because the “TV is looking at me” she says). Even though she is afraid, she reassures herself by saying “God will protect me.” Believe it or not, adults are scary cats too. Our fears can range from failing to being alone. In my practice I have seen adults who are afraid to socialize because of insecurities; afraid to step outside their comfort zone to accomplish a dream; afraid of divorce and rejection. Nevertheless, I have been a scary cat too. There was a time when my fear immobilized me and kept me from being happy. At one time, I was afraid to leave a job where I was not happy because I feared how I would pay my bills. I had stress and headaches at that place every day until I ended up in the emergency room with mild symptoms of a heart attack. I eventually found the courage (Isaiah 35:3-4) to choose peace and happiness by believing that my Higher Power is with me and He won’t leave me nor forget about me (Hebrews 13:5).

So here I am still doing what I love to do without any stress and my bills are getting paid. What an awesome blessing! Now it is your turn to stop being a scary cat. My daughter does not have to walk in the dark alone because I walk with her and turn on the light. She does not have to be afraid of her shadow once she sees my shadow next to hers. At night, she does not have to be afraid of the DVD light on her television because her Daddy will sing her to sleep. She is not alone and neither are you.

Wow, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to change the direction of your journey! Allow me to walk with you, let’s get started. Click here to schedule an appointment.

Have a sweet day,

Shaneka

Empty Arms

“Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.” James 4:8 (NASV)

Four years ago I encountered a season of grief and anger. I had a miscarriage and became very angry with God. “Why me? Why did you do this to me?” I asked God all sorts of questions and as a result I started to turn away from him because I was hurting and felt that he wronged me. Weeks later I returned to work as a Therapist helping other people but no one was helping me. During the day I held my head high, shoulders back, and walked with poise. On the inside I was exploding. I would weep in the shower and quietly cry at night. Many people said, “You’re young; you can try again.” Little did they know-those were the wrong words to say. The message to my soul was so insensitive and never comforting.

BUT there was a break through! My anger humbly resurrected in the midst of my tears during Sunday School. I shared my “why me” question with my class. Immediately I was reminded that God loves me and he feels my pain. There were hands touching me, arms embracing me, and tears shed with me. I heard prayers whispered to God for me. I felt peaceful. At that moment I realized that I could not turn away from God any longer because I needed his peace to rest on me. In any situation, I have to be close to him to feel comforted, strengthened, and loved. Are your arms empty as a result of a miscarriage, stillbirth, early infant death, or tubal pregnancy? If so, choose to draw near to something greater than yourself for the comfort and peace you deserve.

Wow, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to change the direction of your journey! Allow me to walk with you, let’s get started. Click here to schedule an appointment.

Have a sweet day,

Shaneka